Alcohol Use

I won't be going into any great details about the negative health issues facing people who abuse alcohol use but instead will shed light on some techniques, tips and words of wisdom that may help those wishing to control or even give up alcohol use.

Should you consult a doctor?
This all depends on the level of your drinking at present. If you are experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms, i.e. panic attacks, severe anxiety, the shakes, rapid heart beat, you should seek medical assistance. You may also want to consider taking vitamin B supplements as alcohol affects the ability of the body to absorb these vitamins, especially thiamine. Alternatively increase foods in your diet that contain these vitamins as listed here: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/vitamins-minerals/Pages/Vitamin-B.aspx

How long should I give up for?
That choice is up to you. Some people wish to give up forever, whilst some just want to give up for a planned period of time. Both will make you mentally stronger and even if you give up for a few weeks or months, or years for that matter, you may not wish to return to alcohol use at all once you see and feel the benefits of sobriety. It’s wise to start small and work your way up.

Pros and Cons
This is always a good one to start with and in my experience I've only ever come across 2 cases whereby the pros outweighed the cons, and that was based on the clients own version of events.

Pros of drinking could include:-

· Socializing with friends

· Feeling happy

· Feeling alcohol is a reward for hard work

· Celebratory drink

· Being able to afford alcohol on a regular basis

· Wanting to drink to get merry or get the buzz

· Drinking to forget worries, although this one can also be listed as a con as it only masks the problem which usually comes back after the alcohol has worn off.

Cons of drinking could include:-

· Increased risk of strokes

· Likelihood of liver disease (cirrhosis of the liver)

· Vomiting

· Weight gain

· Hangovers

· Impact on work

· Not being able to protect your loved ones

· Selfish behaviour - impact on friends and family

· Looking ugly – ever seen a picture of yourself when you’re drunk!!

· Impact on finances

· Not wanting to face up to problems

· Could lead to anti social or offending behaviour

Each of these problems in their own right will have an affect on other circumstances and inevitably lead to further problems.

So even if the cons outweigh the pros, what then, this doesn't necessarily mean some will stop drinking, most adults know the difference between wrong and right and are aware of the negative impacts on excessive alcohol use, but this does not mean they wish to give up. There are many other factors like status and peer pressure, wanting to be in with the crowd, it takes a brave man, or woman for that matter, to look at him or herself self and realise that external factors are variable and you must stay true to yourself. Granted it's easy to buckle to pressure and the never ending adverts that promote alcohol use but who's ultimately in control, I guess the question to ask yourself is, do you really want to be controlled by external forces?

So, you've made your mind up you want to give it up and regain control of your destiny, what works best? Only you can truly answer that question, the following are tips and thoughts that have helped in my own experience.

Avoid dangerous situations
Although you can not, and probably should not give up “good” friends, if they have a tendency to drink, then meet them at times when it is socially not acceptable to drink, i.e. lunch breaks at work. There's nothing wrong in going to the local pub for a meal at dinner time if you know you wont give in to pressure.

Avoid meeting friends after work at venues where alcohol is available, it's easy to say you'll have one drink but once the buzz kicks in your inhibitions will also go. You may actually be surprised to find out that in fact, your friends are only occasional drinkers and that you were the one seeking out others for company for a regular drink. If it’s unavoidable and you do have to meet others where alcohol is consumed, be strong, have a positive attitude and think of what you’ll feel like if you come away sober and how you would feel if you gave in and consumed alcohol.

Think money!
What else could you do with your money? Could you donate to a charity on a regular basis? Think how good you would feel helping other less fortunate than you. What could you buy yourself? I've known people to buy expensive watches which then act as a constant reminder of what they have achieved. It doesn’t have to be something expensive, it can be an inexpensive piece of jewelry, semi-precious stone, crystal, pendant etc, just so long as it acts as a constant reminder of the commitment you have made.

New Hobby
The hardest thing people find is how to use the time they would normally spend drinking, you'll find that once you have given up alcohol you will have so much more time on your hands, if you get bored you'll risk going back o the same lifestyle, however, if you take up a hobby, i.e. photography, blogging, music, meditation, martial arts, learn a new subject...anything positive, you'll give yourself a new purpose in life, and you'll find that anything positive you do, will in turn have a positive impact on others. Your circles of friends will change but you don't have to lose your friends, if they truly are good friends they will encourage and support your decisions. If, on the other hand, they pressure you all the time to be with them and drink then you've got to decide their individual value to you.

False status
People actually believe they have a right to drink on Friday nights and that being seen in certain pubs equates to a certain level of "success", yes finances give you that choice to sit and drink in an expensive bar away from the "riff raff" if that's what you want but in closing, just remember who you are and how long will you deny yourself that truth. Change the way you think and change your attitude, you are ridding yourself of an enemy.

Have a pint or two!!
No no…not beer…water, and drink plenty of it. Water will help keep you hydrated, make you feel better, and help flush out toxins from your body and also if your in the habit of having a couple of pints whilst watching a movie this will help trick the mind into satisfying the need.

Pick a significant date to quit, a birthday of a loved one, a religious date, an anniversary (in memory of someone living or deceased), this will act as a stronger reminder than using your own personal birthday because deep down in your subconscious you will feel you are letting down someone else if you relapse.

Protect your sobriety – It’s important to you. Don't worry about everyone else and don’t take ownership of their concerns. Everyone will come around to respect your choice sooner or later. Don't feel that just because you are having guests over you need to offer them a beer or a shot. It is perfectly fine to offer people tea, coffee or a soft drink. Quitting drinking justifies itself. Don't try to explain to others, It takes an alcoholic to know what your going through. Most people do not drink like alcoholics and can’t truly understand that you have a problem.

Change your routine. If you drink at a particular time, i.e. straight after work, involve yourself in another activity, visit someone (who doesn’t drink), go for a walk in the park, cycle, visit the library, temple, church etc.

Don’t blame anyone for the situation you’re in and don’t feel guilty that you should have done something sooner. Alcohol is the enemy, it has slowly led you to believe “it’s ok” and “you were in control”, “you can handle it”, “you’re a great drinker”, “people look up to you because you can drink so much without it affecting you” (apparently) but if you’re reading this now, you know this isn’t the case, you want to regain control of you mind and spirit. Some people may not even want to see you giving up alcohol because it disrupts their status quo, or they may just be jealous that you’re trying to better yourself, you will have to learn to recognise those that are not good company for you. If you're giving up alcohol because you feel guilty, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. You should be giving alcohol up because you care about yourself, you want to be a better person, you care about the happiness of your family and friends and the people whose lives you touch.

If you feel tempted, use visualization techniques to picture what you might look like when you’re drunk, blurry eyed, out of control, slurring your words, making a fool of yourself, ugly, loud, intimidating. Do you really want to be that person again? So what if you’re an alcoholic, giving up doesn't mean that you can't be a happy, and while we’re talking about looks, remember what wise men have said, “the prettiest women are those that wear a smile”… think of your partner if you have one, do you really expect her to be happy and keep smiling when you are inebriated? This can work for women just as well.

Think of the pain and use the memories to keep you on track, do you really want to go through the headaches, poor digestion, sickness and grogginess again? Do you want to miss work or have to work feeling tied and ill? Do you want to ruin your reputation and risk losing your job because of alcohol?

Embrace the psychological benefits of sobriety. Embrace how good it feels to go to sleep at night without slipping into a coma, and not waking up to a hangover the next day. Think how good it feels to remember everything from the night before, the taste of the food, the atmosphere, wake up feeling fresh and energetic, embrace the better you.

Positive Psychology

If video does not appear click on link: Positive Psychology

The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow - Managing Stress

Stress

Stress can be physical or psychological, it's a healthy reaction, it's meant to warn you that something is wrong and needs putting right.

You have a choice...
React to stress or deal with stress constructively. Focus on solutions and not the problem.

Solutions
If you can...Laugh it off, a simple but effective technique.
Learn to relax, through meditation, breathing, listening to calming music, walking in nature, get some fresh air.

Expend your negative tension through physical exercise.

Talk to a friend or family member - you'll be surprised how quickly your problems disappear when you share them with others.

Time Out - Distance yourself from situation if you can.

Self talk - Tell yourself...Everything in life will pass. The sun will rise tomorrow.

Remember you can control your actions but you can not control others, so don't hold onto unrealistic expectations.

Be assertive, avoid getting into stressful situations.

Techniques

Write everything down everything that is causing you stress, break it up into smaller problems that you can deal with easily.

Distraction - watch a movie, distract yourself from the situation causing stress, but remember, when the movie finishes, the problem will return, albeit in lesser effect.

Nobody likes feeling stressed or uncomfortable with the way they deal with situations. Picture a big red button in your mind, this button has "change"written on it, see yourself hitting this button when you want to change your reaction to a stressful situation.

Think of yourself in a helicopter, as you rise you see your timeline, think, how important this situation is to the rest of your life, is this going to last or will it pass. What is really important in my life.
Learn to accept that nothing in life stays the same, we're in a constant state of flux.

Mushroom effect - If a mushroom is picked from a plot of land, in time the remaining mushrooms occupy the space. Once you have solved your problem, don't look for another stressful situation to take the place of the old one. Some people will also grow into or feel the need to be in another stressful situation.

If you are not prepared to change your behaviour...nothing will change, you will remain stressed.

Anger and stress is easier to hold on to but are negative and will therefore attract negativity towards you.

When trying to solve your problems, start from where you are, i.e. don't just think of a stress free life in the future, ask yourself how are you going to achieve this, what steps do you need to take now to make this happen.

Use NLP techniques if you have the know how and picture yourself in the future and look back at how you dealt with the issue and if you're not happy with the associated feelings, think how you would have liked to deal with it and what outcomes you achieved.

Don't own other people's problems, you deal with yours, and let others deal with their own problems.

Remember - You are the source and solution. (How many fingers are pointing back at you when you point the finger of blame?) See How Many Fingers Are Pointing Back At You - www.hmfapbay.blogspot.com

Not making decisions is one of the commonest causes of stress on a day to day basis
Remember, stress comes from the consequence and not the decision making, i.e. when you are given a choice and there are no associated negative consequences, then there is no stress in the choice, however, if you are given a choice, lets say between two sweets, and one sweet has an ingredient that you are allergic to, the possible negative consequence is what will cause you tension and stress. Choose to stop suffering and then deal with the consequence

Learn how the mind works, and take control of it. Further reading and self development, consider "The Chimp Paradox" by Dr Steve Peters. Click on the link below.

The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

ABC Model - Stress

The ABC Model - Stress

Our perceptions about events and our attitudes can contribute to our levels of stress. Thoughts Influence Feelings

Many of us are unaware that our thoughts play a large role in influencing how we feel. This is an important concept because we may not always be able to influence what happens to us but we do have a powerful influence in how we interpret what happens to us and how we deal with it. No matter what happens to us nobody can take this away from us.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Dr Viktor Frankl

Our thoughts have a very powerful effect on our feelings and therefore on the level of stress we encounter. Not everybody exposed to a challenging event will find it stressful, this can be down to how we deal with the potential, challenging stressors.

People often believe it is external events that cause us stress but this is not totally correct.

Psychologist Doctor Richard Lazarus says "stress resides neither in the situation nor in the person it depends on a transaction between the two." 

An individual's views, perception, beliefs and expectations play a large role in whether he/she thinks an event is stressful or not. 

A = Activating Event - (triggers that cause potential stress) 

Life event stressors - Death of a loved one, injury, accidents. 

Common stressors - Daily hassles, work, family, relationships.

B = Beliefs

We come into this world with no beliefs, opinions, views or perceptions. From the moment we can talk and listen we start to learn the opinions of our parents, our peers, school etc. We automatically start to use these beliefs as a template to interpret ourselves, other people and the world in general. The problem is that other people may not necessarily have the same template, views and beliefs as us. 

We use our beliefs to interpret what is happening to us. These beliefs may be accurate, possible, flexible and optimistic, these types of beliefs and thinking skills can help to reduce stress, however a lot of beliefs can be in the form of automatic negative thoughts and if they are rigid, negative, inflexible and pessimistic then this can exacerbate any stress we are under.

C = Consequences

Consequences refer to the feelings that occur as a consequence of our beliefs and self-talk in response to the activating event. The consequences can be in the form of stress, anxiety, depression, anger, irritability, aggression, fear, worry, and frustration etc. 

"We can't always influence what others may say or do to us - but we can influence how we react to it!"
Example

There are two people on a train that stops and is held up for 30 minutes. One of the people opens his brief case and gets on with some work and calmly waits until the train starts moving again. While the other person sits, fumes, thinks that it is disgusting and incompetent of the railway company, and that this state of affairs should not happen. The same stressor, yet two entirely different responses, one will trigger the release of stress hormones, the other response won't. 

Getting upset and angry didn't make the train move any faster, and it's the individual's beliefs, thoughts and perceptions that are the key.

It can be useful to break down an event such as the example above using the A+B=C equation:

A= Activating Event

In this case the delayed train is the activating event.

B= Beliefs

In the example the first person seems to have no fixed beliefs about whether trains should run on time or not he thinks "Yes, it's a pain, but getting upset won't make the train move any faster and luckily this doesn't happen every day, we shall be moving soon.

The second person however, believes "trains should always run on time and it's disgusting and incompetent of the railway company if they do not".

C= Consequences

The outcome for the two people in our example is that the first person does not get stressed, he gets out his work and in fact sees the delay as an opportunity to get some work done which otherwise he may not have had the time to do in the office or may have had to take home to do, so he has positive consequences to his beliefs about the activating event.

The second person however has become very stressed, feeling very upset, very angry, his response has triggered his fight/flight response but it has not made the train move any faster and he will probably continue to feel angry and upset long after the train has resumed and got him to his destination; he has not been able to use the time effectively and will probably have difficulty being efficient in his work later in the day because of this stress response during the train journey.

Many stressful events that happen to us can be looked at in this way using the A+B=C equation to help us see how what we thought and believed about a situation led to the way we felt and the level of stress we experienced.

Changing our self-talk to a less rigid, less pessimistic, more positive, thinking style will help us cope more effectively and make us more able to deal with the challenges we encounter. 

What,s the Problem

There's a lot out there to help people solve their problems, so what's the problem ? Why the need for another blog and what's different about this one. Let me ask you a rhetorical question, there's huge seas and rivers all over the world so why do we need droplets of rain?

Well for starters this blog like my other blogs has evolved out of my own life experiences in my work, training, research and personal life. I've tried to collate the information related to this subject into one place so others can also use this blog as a resource to develop their own learning.

The Unconscious Mind

Getting to know your unconscious mind.

Stand up and sit back down again. In doing so did you have to tell your muscles to contract and relax, did you tell your knees and back to bend? No, you did this on an unconscious level, this behaviour has been learned...programmed into you through years of experience, you’ve done it so many times you now do it without thinking about it.

Now DON’T do the following: Don’t think of a green bus. What did you do...it was too hard not to think about a green bus. You can not tell your mind not to think about what you don’t want to think about, without thinking about it.

Driving a car – think back to the time when you did not know how to drive a car, you had to learn about the brakes, clutch, engine revs, steering, dashboard controls etc, now you do all of these things on a sub conscious level, without having to tell yourself.

Learned behaviour can be changed, you can find better ways of doing things, you can avoid making the same mistakes, you can achieve more, but only if you are willing to ‘re programme’ your mind.

If you’re quite happy with the way your life is going then you won’t be in a hurry to change the way you think. Ultimately it lies with the case to want to change.

How does this affect racism? Many people are racist on a sub conscious level and probably don’t even realise that their comments and actions are seen as such. It is only when they see a person as a person, irrespective of colour or creed that they will see them as equals in society and as having the same rights as them. Would you expect the same rights as any other individual if you were in ‘their’ country.

How does this affect general behaviour? Let’s say you programme your mind that you have a right to get drunk every week, you don’t think why you are drinking, you don’t bother looking into the effects alcohol is having on your health, or the impact it is having on family. You may even justify drinking whilst you are on benefits without thinking that the government is paying you benefits to help with your living costs and not to keep you in alcohol or drugs for that matter. Why would this person want to change? Could he change? Sometimes you need to state the obvious to a case that has no inclination to challenge his own way of thinking. You could ask; How much does the state pay you in benefits to spend on alcohol? Do you think it is your right to be able to drinks? Do you drink because of the status associated with ‘working class’ people? Do you view this as something successful people do?

PSR 2011

Problem Solving Template

This template can be applied to many different scenarios and help define and solve problems.